Things that make me run faster on the VA Beach Boardwalk: 8:45 am

1. The smell of fried dough (fleeing from).
2. Overhearing a guy with a shaved head wearing a death metal shirt and fatigues say to his buddy after a slug of Pabst, "and then she said, 'fuck you, inmate.'"
3. Being passed by Naval officers in the best shape of their lives.
4. Being passed by senior citizens who are probably not in the best shape of their lives.
5. Being honked at by a mildly lecherous Shriner clown driving the "Pumphandle Miracle Cure" tricycle.
6. Being passed by the "Pumphandle Miracle Cure" tricycle.